Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize