the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
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