Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I am one with the molecules
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
