you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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