I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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