I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
