My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
