i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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