dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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