you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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