you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
