She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
