i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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