I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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