I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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