Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
