I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
