so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
