Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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