I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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