he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
