I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
We talked him into tasing himself.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
