They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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