im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
