Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
