I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
