My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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