Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize