There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
