Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize