wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
