If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
