so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
