I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
