You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Randomize
