i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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