Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
