I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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