He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
