I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
