i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
