How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
