would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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