She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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