I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I enjoy the company of your penis
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
