I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
