Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
