Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
