The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
