pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
