Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
