I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
