Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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