i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
