You smell like stripper and shame
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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