i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
