i just wanna soil my oats bro
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
