Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
