Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
