I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
