whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize