i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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