Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
