Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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