I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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