I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
