I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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